Welcome back to another episode of “What are We Doing,” where we take the latest wild news and give it the roasting it deserves. This week, we’re diving into the saga of a sunken superyacht, Trump’s unexpected fertility plan, and Subway’s attempt to stay relevant with a discount that’s got franchisees ready to riot.

First, let’s talk about the Bayesian superyacht. This wasn’t just any boat—it was a $40 million, 184-foot-long symbol of excess that met its match in a Mediterranean storm. One minute, it’s a floating palace; the next, it’s an underwater art exhibit. But the real story here isn’t just the yacht going down faster than the Titanic—it’s the insurance nightmare that followed.

The hull was insured for around $40 million, but the real kicker is the protection and indemnity (P&I) insurance, covering all the “oops” moments—like, you know, accidental deaths and environmental disasters. Estimates put the P&I coverage somewhere between $200-300 million. Yep, when you’re that rich, even your accidents need to be insured for more than a small country’s GDP.

And now, the investigation begins. Prosecutors are looking into the captain and crew, but don’t hold your breath for answers anytime soon. Meanwhile, Captain James Cutfield pulled a classic “I’m outta here,” catching a private jet out of Palermo faster than you can say, “Not my problem.” Where he’s headed? Who knows. Maybe he’s off to find the next yacht to sink.

As for the insurance companies, they’re probably regretting every decision that led them to insure yachts in the first place. Premiums have been skyrocketing thanks to hurricanes and other “acts of God,” and now they’re dealing with a sunken superyacht. Climate change might be sinking the yacht industry, but at least it’s keeping the insurance companies busy.

Now, onto Trump’s latest “brilliant” idea: funding IVF treatments. Yes, the man who overturned Roe v. Wade now wants to play the fertility fairy. Trump’s promising to either foot the bill for in vitro fertilization or force insurance companies to do it. Because nothing says “pro-life” like helping people create embryos while simultaneously trying to criminalize what happens to them afterward.

The Harris-Walz campaign is all over this, reminding everyone that Trump is the reason Roe v. Wade is history and now he’s trying to play nice by offering to pay for baby-making treatments. It’s a classic case of trying to have your cake and eat it too, but this cake is made of contradictions and empty promises.

And finally, we’ve got Subway’s latest attempt to stay in the fast-food game with a $6.99 footlong deal. Franchisees across the country are ready to revolt, and honestly, who can blame them? Subway’s asking these folks to take a massive hit to their already thin margins just to offer a discount on a sandwich that’s barely worth it at full price.

The North American Association of Subway Franchisees (NAASF) is telling its members to sit this one out unless they’re cool with losing money faster than a gambler on a losing streak. Subway’s been struggling for years, and this promotion isn’t helping. Even Patrick Mahomes holding a footlong and a cookie can’t save this sinking ship.

So, there you have it! A yacht that couldn’t handle a little wind, Trump playing fertility fairy, and a sandwich chain clinging to relevance. Just another day in the world of “What are We Doing?” where the news is crazier than fiction, and we’re all just trying to keep up. Catch you next time, and remember: if your yacht insurance isn’t worth more than your house, are you even really living?

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